10 Ways you to build friendship strong– Studies indicate that it is a fundamental human need to feel connected to other individuals. A sense of attachment affects our mental health as well as our physical well-being. It lowers our disease risk and improves longevity.
While the study is evident, statistics also indicate a decline in our level of social connectivity. Social media may assist us to connect more commonly, but it generally does not replace the link that we experience in offline relationships.
It seems we are not as great at friendships as adults. People complain that after leaving college, it is difficult to create friends and retain current relationships. It’s mainly because we’re busy with employment and families, but I’m wondering if there are other reasons beyond those internal conditions.
- 1 10 Ways you to build friendship strong
- 188.8.131.52 People can only respect your demands and wishes when you convey them.
- 184.108.40.206 You don’t have to agree on it all.
- 220.127.116.11 You don’t always have to like each other.
- 18.104.22.168 Not everybody is going to give as much as you give.
- 22.214.171.124 Friendships need appreciation to flourish.
- 126.96.36.199 Grudges erode relationships.
- 188.8.131.52 Strong friendships require strong boundaries.
- 184.108.40.206 People change.
- 1.0.1 How to Make Friends
10 Ways you to build friendship strong
Growing up, I had a very particular vision of what “real friendship” looked like, which I had picked up mainly from books, television, and films: you have a best friend with whom you share everything, hang out with 24/7 and grow old with — through dense and thin and, of course, always happy afterwards.
Only my truth looked completely different, which made me feel something was wrong with me in itself.
I fought because I felt like an outsider, too. I am a mixed race (half Chinese, half German), I was born and raised in Germany, and I grew up very aware of looking different, something that I can’t hide. My parents advised me to be proud to be distinct, but I just wanted to mix in because I thought my distinction was isolating me.
I was a child that was painfully shy. And always discovered it hard to reach out to other children and I started to feel invisible to the globe.
I wanted to belong so badly, and I would have done something to fit in, but I ultimately stopped trying because I had persuaded myself, I was too distinct. Instead, I pretended not to be part of the group, I didn’t care. I didn’t want to see anyone I was angry. I seemed confident and powerful on the outside, but I always faked it and never did it [until much later in life]. In brief, I was doing myself the contrary.
The belief that no one noticed that I was stuck in adulthood with me until I finally realized that I wasn’t invisible, but I was hiding. I had constructed around me a strong wall.
I can see as an adult that I was likely not so distinct from the others. How many of us are growing up thinking that we have to pretend to be someone we are not to belong and be loved? How many of us as adults are still doing this now? And how ironic is it that we can accomplish the opposite of what we want by wearing a mask and basically render it difficult to experience real link?
I have learned a lot over the years about allowing individuals in and establishing meaningful links. And I came a long way from that insecure little girl who felt chronically isolated behind a wall. If you’ve been struggling to form and maintain friendships, my lessons might be helpful.
- Not all friendships are created equal to build friendship strong.
Friendships are not an affair of “one size fits all,” but come in distinct types and sizes. A friend isn’t supposed to meet all of your requirements. Having friends for various fields of your lives is more natural. That doesn’t create “less than” any buddy, but it feels much healthier than putting one individual with undue expectations.
For instance, many of my close friends live far away and we don’t share our daily life with each other anymore, but I understand that I can still depend on them. Then there are individuals that I just met. While I click with individuals immediately at times, it requires longer to communicate profoundly with others. I have loose friends as well, and while we may not be discussing our deepest ideas, connecting through experiences and mutual interests is still enjoyable.
Once we open our minds to what kind of relationship, we gain access to links that would otherwise have passed under our radar.
- Connection is a 2-way street.
Connection quality is made up of what you both put in. And if you expect what you are not ready to offer, the link is likely to fall apart.
It’s not just what you’re ready to do for the other individual. Are you showing up completely like yourself? Do you really allow others to see you? And are you also ready to see the other individual really, including the more difficult things that might feel heavy and painful?
People can only respect your demands and wishes when you convey them.
We often expect others not only to read our minds, but also in all matters to be on the same page as us. Chances are they might have no idea if you haven’t communicated obviously what you’re expecting from your buddy.
But also, remind yourself you have no “right” to others fulfilling your needs and wishes. Be prepared that others aren’t able or don’t want to give what you would like them to give you.
You understand this stating “You find out who your true friends are in moments of crisis?” Well, I don’t agree with that completely. It assumes there is an unwritten rule as to how friends should act, but there may be numerous reasons why they may not be there for you to the extent that you expect them to be there.
For instance, when my mother passed away, my friends reacted in various ways. I fully understand that many people find death very uncomfortable and just too frightening to talk about, so I accepted that I couldn’t talk to all my friends about it.
Luckily for me, some friends have been able to be there. This experience taught me to ask for assistance and formulate my requirements. The assistance I required on a few days was to be able to speak and cry, and I wanted to be left alone on other days. The only way to get to understand my friends was to inform them.
You don’t have to agree on it all.
Perhaps this is just me, but I feel an urge to agree on everything with my colleagues. Disagreements about even the smallest of problems cause me some discomfort. This is, of course, where the process of not being myself starts: not saying what I really want to avoid upsetting the other individual. But that’s for what compromise, right?
So I’m teaching myself to remember that it’s fine to disagree and learn to accept that niggling feeling of discomfort that I still feel, even though I know it won’t impact the general relationship.
That said, sometimes disagreement is a sign that someone isn’t a person with whom I want to be friends — there are some no-gos, some things that just aren’t all right with me. Get clarity and stop sweating about the remainder of your no-gos.
You don’t always have to like each other.
This is certainly another remnant of my ideal of friendship with Hollywood. Do you always like yourself? I don’t. I can’t be thoughtless or moody. And I don’t like the features I have and I’m working on altering.
The same applies to each other individual. And not only do we all have bad days and sometimes do dumb stuff; we may also have spleens or irritating features for others. But our loveliness probably outweighs them. If so, in your friends you may be able to accept them and focus on all the rest instead of getting worked up over them or trying to change them.
Not everybody is going to give as much as you give.
Just the way we set our own limits and decide what we’re willing to give, everyone else has the same right. As well as the limits of everybody are distinct.
While solid friendships involve giving and taking naturally, it shouldn’t be about tat tit. Don’t count and don’t expect reciprocity for all the friendship you give. Give because you want it, not because you feel compelled or you want something in return.
Friendships need appreciation to flourish.
Don’t take relationships for granted, whether it’s the little or the large stuff: tell the other individual they’re loved and valued, and express your appreciation.
Especially when we’ve known someone for a long time, we might expect them to understand just how we feel. And chances are they do it, but hearing it, too, is always good.
Grudges erode relationships.
I’m fairly good at grudging. I also understand that attempting to safeguard myself from getting hurt and disappointed again is my coping mechanism.
This is a secret: it’s not working! Also, should you prove you were “correct?” Do you even understand you’re “correct” for sure? Put yourself in the shoes of the other person: can you see where they come from? If you’re angry, communicate, clear the air, and move on.
Strong friendships require strong boundaries.
Boundaries are so essential, and sadly, many of us are not very good at 1) defining our limits 2) ensuring that they are honored, and 3) walking away if they are not.
Personally, I have two primary fields where I am still learning to express my limits: First, I am partly introverted and as much as I enjoy socializing, it can also feel depleting.
It doesn’t get simple to say no to an invitation or leave a meeting when my limit has been reached yet, but it gets simpler. It’s about taking my own requirements seriously and telling my friends about them.
Second, individuals tend to discover opening up to me easily and often come to me for guidance. I still figure out where my boundaries are, as much as I want to assist individuals and particularly support my friends. I don’t want to take on a one-sided “adviser” position in a relationship, because that inevitably makes me feel resentful.I know this is about me naturally placing myself in that position as much as it is about the expectations of people about me.
Is you ten years ago the same individual you were? Still a year ago? We all alter, and it’s simple to believe that we understand everything about them, particularly when we’ve known someone for a while.
George Bernard Shaw’s quote I enjoy: “My tailor is the only guy I know who acts sensibly ; he takes my measurements again every time he sees me. The remainder keep their ancient readings going on and expect me to suit them.”
We alter so much sometimes that we drift apart, and that’s all right. The fact that we can grow apart so far that we don’t want to be friends anymore doesn’t take away all the happiness and fun we have had in the past.
Although I have bid goodbye to my distorted idealistic model of friendship for a long time, I make a deliberate choice as to who I want to spend my moment with. And the criteria can alter over time and it’s up to me to decide.
Speak to them if someone means something to you. Figure a fresh way forward to be friends — one that works for you both. But also acknowledge that individuals are not there to live up to your expectations or the picture in your head that you have constructed up of them.
And remember that in whatever form connections contribute immensely to the quality of our life. To experience more of them, let’s open our hearts and minds!
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